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it's been two years, now.
it's time for new beginnings.

thiamin mononitrate

the fact that it is so easy and so hard to go back and forth worries me more than almost anything

i know what i want
and i know i won't get it

pick the poison

it frightens me how naive i have been and continue to be.
it frightens me that i am so unable to be open with anyone.
it frightens me knowing i have the power to throw it all away.

if things were different, if i were a different person, if i had a different body and face, i would be perfectly okay with failing classes, drinking and smoking, skipping school and doing whatever i want.

if things were different, of course.
but they're not, but i could still do that.

and mainly, i know it's my own fault, but why is it that it seems i get 90% of what i want before it's taken away?
examples would be relevant but far too revealing.

i wish i could write
i can't remember how to put my feelings into words
everything changed, really
numbers make more sense than words now
it makes me want to cry