how to disappear completely and never be found.

i can't write now.
i don't know whats going on in my life,
or where we're going to live,
or how i'm going to buy christmas presents,
or if i'll ever talk to my dad again.

i don't have a babyface anymore and i grew boobs.
i don't remember this. i don't remember anything.
i hate my situations all the time. i just want things to be alright.

sing me a lullaby and tell me we're okay
remember to say i love you every day.
honestly i can't live without you and
i hope you know, i'll never be able to let you go.

don't forget: my ego is, obese.

her eyelashes flutter open like the sun rising.
all the sins her mouth have said are just the beginning.
she lies in her bed pretending to be okay.
when maybe she just couldn't help but stay.

everything in life is just the beginning of the end.
your life is ending as you live it.
you are dying more than you are living.
nothing will stop this.
you just have to remember all the good things that happened.
don't forget. don't regret.
i'm pretty sure i love you.

all i can say is;
remember when?

i'm the patron saint of the denial

i am so excited right now and for no reason- i have nothing to look forward too.
maybe i'm just hyper.

i'm always talking about being excited to remember but it's always in the vaguest of terms.
i kinda do that on purpose i think.
but usually it's remembering what summer was like and how it's gonna be great next year.
or how bad school was last year and how amazing it is this year.
i have so many friends right now and i don't know why.
i have nothing to worry about and the teachers love me.

my life is so amazing, as was chicago, and i just don't know how long it's going to last.
all i know is i hope i deserve this.
i hope karma isn't going to fuck me over.