piano pieces and jigsaw puzzles.

i miss the street lights outside of my window keeping me up. the sirens of police cars and ambulances to wake me up. and the gas station two blocks down that i'd walk to when i woke up. most of this may be a glorified memory or a figment, all i know is i miss it. the city is something that will always be a part of me, and even though the sunset on top of the lake and the hailing thunderstorms here are nice, i just can't call it home.

my life is made of cold fingertips on warm skin and second guessing everything i do.

awkward follows me around like a puppy. irony just may be in love with me. revenge is sweet, but payback is always more than a bitch to me. i've got too much to worry about and too little to turn to. i just thank the best friends in the world for always being there for me, always caring, always putting a smile on my face. even if they live thousands or millions of miles away. there are so many good and bad things happening at once i can't keep track of them anymore. i have an addiction to falling asleep later than the moon.

i would've severed my ties with you.

i'm just glad i decided not to.

addicted disaster

i can only hate you in the light of day.
at night i want to apologize for everything i've ever done or said to you that could possibly be hurtful.
i don't know what happens.
i guess moonlight changes me.
or maybe it changes you.

chicago was probably the best thing to ever happen to me- a once in a lifetime experience.
now that it's coming again, i'm not sure what to think of life or luck.
i just know that with all my ms. fortune i have some pretty good luck, too.

i guess life will forever remain a mr. e.

dear you tonight lets get ahead of ourselves.

my throat hurts (from screaming so much?). i'm excited now for something that may not even happen, but 'wishful thinking' and 'ignorance is bliss' right?

insomnia may be my best friend or my worst enemy.

the friendships you're built out of make me envy life so much. i don't really know how all of this is possible- but it is and thinking about it makes my heart skip a beat, makes my breath catch in my throat.
this is what makes me want to live.
this is what makes me want to do something with my life.

crazy ramblings in the early AMs really don't make sense to anyone, but to you i think they would.
when it's all dead and gone i will be too.
i wouldn't be able to handle it if it was taken away from me.

life as we know it is held up by you.

you are the gypsy looking into the glass snowglobe.
you are the creator of this whole mess.

i won the x-games last night in my dreams, the only part of it that stuck out was you.
i haven't snowboarded in forever and yet i killed.
you give me determination and the will power to be anything.

i've disappeared and i need you here (more now than ever before)

i miss you so much.

i've got the best of both worlds- fantasy and reality.

i really don't know what runs though my head or why. i tell myself i hate myself more than i love or hate anyone/thing else but i don't know if that's true. i don't know who i am, i don't even know who i think i am. i feel powerful when i'm broken down crying. this is just simply me giving up. on life and love and friends and everything. i guess when i said "i've given up the subject of life" i meant it. i really, really don't know who i am or how i got this way. i wear my heart on my sleeve and my feelings in my eyes and that is the gross truth. i'm just too far gone for anything. my perspective of life changes every second of every minute of every hour of every night and day of every week of every month of every year that i try to figure myself out. sometimes it changes because i see red instead of blue or the time reads 9:11. i don't know when i was awake to see both 12:34s of the day. i needed a way to escape and now that i've found it i need an escape back to reality and life. where do i start looking?

she'll be a secret you can keep

i'm not good enough to make you think beyond what you normally would; i can't put those words together that make you cry and i can't make the colors fit. never did good with complimentary colors or manners, never will. but when all the letters and colors and similes and brand names mush together and i can't tell the difference between left and blue anymore, i realize that i don't need to make you feel something different than what i can give you. all i can give you is all that you'll take, opinionated or not i'll always be here for the one that will always be there for me.

"heaven must have sent you from above"

to never end forever:

i like forgetting about you, it lets me live a lot easier.
right now, i'm wondering how long it would take for you to realize if i left (you).

i promised i wouldn't give up on you, but since when was i good with promises?
just don't (try to) guilt trip me again, cause i can't promise it won't backfire.

double negatives are my thing baby, be it with you or her or anyone.

to never land forever:

it's lonely without you, but it's made me realize how crazy this is.
it's also made me realize how no matter how crazy it is, i still love you.
this is a problem in way more ways than i could have ever imagined or anticipated.
i just hope you'll know soon enough.
though i doubt you'll ever know, please don't even find out.