counting down

4...

let them make you proud

but honestly, i am sick of having to work for something that is obviously just not meant to be.

i slept through your international dateline.

i really enjoy and appreciate the fact that i have some pretty fucking amazing friends. who i know will never leave me, and who will do anything to make me feel better, even if they don't know what's wrong.

i am so fucking undeserving of them but i love them so god damn much.

all i can hear is my headache

i do not deserve to eat
i do not deserve to sleep
i do not deserve joy
i do not deserve being alive
i do not deserve friends

i deserve pain
i deserve to be hurt
i deserve to be dead
i deserve to be alone

it is okay, i finally understand.

where did i go wrong? i lost a friend.

it is a lot easier not to care when you have no reason to.
about anything

sometimes all i need is a few songs to make sense to feel better about any situation.

i don't wanna be alone, but now i feel like i don't know you.

wow. reading my old posts makes me feel really dumb
it's weird how i can't really relate to any of those feelings (this time around)

i think i miss last summer more than anything
i wish i could have it back. do it over again

vicodin

i guess it's hard to distinguish the two
but i think i may have figured it out.

so far from me

i don't mean to lie to myself but i guess in the end..
the things i lie about are unintentional too

i'm bad at being strong
i'm bad at saying no
i'm bad at staying away
i'm bad at keeping things to myself

i'm good at giving in
i'm good at getting hurt
i'm good at being obvious
i'm good at caring too much

this is not how it was supposed to happen.