'why are you crying?'

'because i have nothing to cry about'

forfeit your imagination

sometimes hygiene is overrated.
sometimes i like to make up inside jokes with myself.
sometimes i like to laugh at inside jokes even when they're not 'inside' or even 'jokes'

i saw the clock read 11:11 but it changed before i could make my wish
when i'm writing i capitalize 'I'
but i never do when i'm typing

scribbled out mess
life's a drag

sometimes i only feel safe inside my own head
in the vaguest of terms i always say what, expecting someone to just know what it means, or at least to ask
they never do.

pretending to be someone else is fun but really hard given the circumstances
i'm kind of the future
but more of the past than anything
draw a design around my face
forget the patters your fingers trace
sometimes my breathing fucks up
only when i think of you
i can deny it- and i will. but only temporarily.

select mountain ranges with memory
blank books figure out our chemistry

i like writing at the top of the page
versus writing on perfect timing
you base your insights on life experiences
i have no insights

you write stories
you write love songs
i write tragedies.

revelations and conselations.

i don't hate her. and i'm happy.
and i love you. or the idea of you.
or the idea of the old you.
and i love the idea of a lot of things.
but sometimes it doesn't matter.

and then there's the times when i say things i don't really mean.
sometimes i just can't help it because sometimes my life sucks.

i'm excited for next year.
i don't even know if it will be good.
but honestly i hope it will be.

when it's all you've got left till who knows when, but you can't choose between this or that, how do you choose?
how does it affect you?
how does it affect others around you?
and when do you plan on taking a shower?

sometimes i think i know myself as different people.

i tend to be a blunt bitchy asshole especially when it comes to being sarcastic.
but sometimes, sometimes, my heart lightens, and i want to apologize for all the bad things in the world, and all that i've done wrong, and all that everyone else has done wrong, and i want to say sorry for the world not being good enough for anyone.
and i just want to apologize to everyone and anyone.
and then usually within an hour my heart 'freezes' again and i'm being a bitch again.
but it's okay, kind of.

this is a love song in my own way.
happily ever after below the waist.

i guess i don't really know what to think.

i don't write anymore.
christmas is bogus.